Wednesday, September 7, 2011

More evidence that Mitt Romney is a Cylon: He has a Plan.

 By Donny Brooks
The Cylons were created by man. They evolved. They rebelled. There are many copies. And they have a plan.
And so, too, does Mitt Romney, in his apparent affirmation of his true Cylon nature. In fact, he has 59 plans for the economy, released yesterday in a 160 page economic tome, complete with 137 footnotes, that will test even the most caffeinated reader not to be induced into a boredom coma. Even the WSJ is turning up their noses at it.

Obviously this is a strategic move, which couldn't come at a better time with Romney losing his front-runner status to fellow Cylon Rick Perry. (PS-- you can tell they're fracking skinjobs by noticing how well-coifed their hair is. John Edwards? Also a toaster.) 

While obviously long in the works, this is being released right on schedule to show everyone that Mitt knows how to have a plan-- a big, detailed plan!-- and nobody is going to have a bigger or better one. Perry's retort is just "Well, look at my record of job creation in Texas. . . . just not too closely or you'll see that I had nothing to do with real job creation and most of the new jobs in Texas are either minimum wage or public sector (evil, evil government!) jobs." Mitt's plan is obviously to take his plan and turn it into twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was.

But Mitt has The Plan.

Good luck with that. 

I mean, seriously. Obama won on Hope and Change, not detailed policy proposals. (And what policies he did have he immediately caved on when negotiating with Congress)  George W. Bush had a three point plan for EVERYTHING, and that was it. 3 points. Bill Clinton in 1992 had a campaign mantra: "It's the economy, stupid. Change vs. more of the same, and Don't forget Health Care." Boom, that was it. 

And this is not just a product of our modern shortened political attention span. FDR's Four Freedoms speech. Truman's inaugural with the Four Points. The Gettysburg Address- which is shorter than this blog post. This is what Americans like. Terseness. Moral clarity. 

You know what they don't like? Reading. Remembering more than a few things. Ross Perot and his charts and half-hour infomercials, Woodrow Wilson's 14 Points, as great as they may have been, were rejected by the American public and gave Wilson a stroke as he tried to whistle-stop across America selling it to the people. And this was in 1917, waaay before people could be distracted by Netflix, Jersey Shore, Angry Birds, and internet pornography. 

K.I.S.S.-- Keep it Simple, Stupid. Lay off the 59 points. Mitt, you might be able to beat Obama**. But first you have to beat Perry. And burying him in paper may have shown how smart you were when you worked at Bain Capital as a corporate raider, but not these days, and not against a guy like Perry. You want to bury him in substance? He will bury you in NON-SUBSTANCE

**== Let me clarify "might". Americans might be able to accept a Latter-Day Saint president. Might.  But it's going to be a tough sell as both a Mormon and a Cylon.

All of this has happened before, and it will all happen again.

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