By Ben Yorick
WASHINGTON DC -- Yes, the all-important question of who Dean Cain is supporting in the GOP primary has been answered. Unfortunately, that answer is Texas Governor Rick Perry.
From regular-flavored Politico:
“I undoubtedly like Rick Perry,” the actor said on Fox News Thursday morning. “I like him a lot. I like his record on job creation.”Well, we see that the political opinions of Cain are just as astute as his "acting" skills.
Cain, a John McCain supporter in 2008, said that he has met Perry and believes the gov to be “an upstanding guy who will help turn us around.”
When asked to elaborate on jobs, Cain said, “It’s always about jobs. ‘It’s the economy, stupid, everybody knows that,' but it really is.”
But this all begs the question- how are the other candidates faring in the Superhero endorsement game?
Herman Cain received a major boost when he got the all-important Batman Boost. Reached for comment, Gotham's Caped Crusader stated, "I like Cain. I like his experience in the business world. I have invested heavily. . . I mean, Bruce Wayne and Wayne Enterprises have invested heavily in Godfather's Pizza. First because we were concerned they were actually a front for a mob family. When we found out it was an affable black guy, that was awesome." He also mentioned that they could both be nicknamed The Dark Knight.
Michelle Bachmann also received backing from Harley Quinn, who stated "Us crazy chicks gotta stick together!"
the new Ultimate Spiderman, Miles Morales, has started a "Students for Obama" chapter at his high school.
However, other members of the Avengers remain far less predictable. Thor, when reached for comment, was aghast that mortals voted for their leaders. Hulk simply said he would "SMASH PUNY HUMANS!!!" about the current GOP field. And Iron Man Tony Stark was even more bellicose, saying there wasn't "a decent person worth anything" running for any major office in the country, and mumbled something about starting a Super PAC to fund a run for the Presidency himself.
However, Obama still retains support from all of the current members of the Fantastic Four, who are throwing a fundraiser in the Baxter Building next month. Reed Richards is also a proponent of Obama's proposed "Buffet Rule", although with a different spin. "I make the majority of my income from super-science. I shouldn't be taxed at a lower marginal rate than the person who cleans my plasma inducers." Reed also rejects the current trope that he is a "patriotic job creator" because of his wealth. "My team is the Fantastic FOUR. No matter how rich I get, there are never going to be more than four of us. My research into advanced metallurgy, inter-dimensional travel, particle physics, and robotics have always been about the betterment of humanity, not how much money I can make off of them. That's Dr. Doom's racket, not mine."
But this is not a simple DC / Marvel divide over supporting Republican and Democratic candidates. Green Arrow and Green Lantern are both supporting Alan Grayson's re-election. Green Arrow will also be supporting Jay Inslee's bid to become governor of Washington. And pretty much everyone has endorsed Elizabeth Warren's bid for Senate in Massachusetts, including the generally-conservative-leaning Batman. "I'm not conservative- I'm just tough on crime. Since 2008, not a single top executive at a major bank or investment house in America has been held accountable. That's criminal."
And there still remain several major holdouts who refuse to back any candidate. Aquaman and Wonder Woman have joined forces with other liberal elements to search for a more liberal alternative to Obama. "The President's actions in office have failed in many ways to protect our air and water- and we still haven't done anything about climate change," they said in a joint statement.